In the background
My minds been dragged down
Antenna’s worn
Core thoughts hard to track down
I’ve become a sore sport
Dwell in dark like Morpork
Push away the loving
Closer to my nothing
Figured what he meant
I say fuck it paint it all black
Tried to help myself
But that fucker doesn’t call back
The deeper that I fall
The more I cower and I crawl
I hardly feel anymore
Guess the meds take their toll

I couldn’t help myself
My hand in the jar
Searching for that gold
Through a heart full of tar
It’s always harder at the start
Till you push your last chance
And death holds your arm

The ends in clear sight
A three month supply
I’d like to quit
Not for lack of trying
Seeing months fly
Faded like a bunged eye
Life sucked dry
Like I’m sun-dried
Never felt so cold in the sunshine
The windows to my soul been shut
For a long time
Picking at the pieces till the pieces turn to crumbs
My minds lost hope at least that’s my hunch


I couldn’t help myself
My hand in the jar
Searching for that gold
Through a heart full of tar
It’s Always harder at the start
Till you push your last chance
And death holds your arm
I couldn’t help myself
My hand in the jar
Searching for that gold
Through a heart full of tar
It’s Always harder at the start
Till you push your last chance
And death holds your arm

Guess he took me for a spin
A drive which gave me timing to recite my darkest sins
Mask it all with stimuli to hide the dark within
Him and I were intertwined I let the bastard in
Hide behind my shaded side
Blame it on that part of me
Hide behind my faded eyes
I blame it on the pharmacy
Hide behind my peace of mind
I blame it on me partially
But I can’t be responsible
When it’s just fucking hard to be
Never felt so blind in the sunlight
Minds making knots not easily untied
Picking at the pieces till the pieces turn to crumbs
My mind gave in at least that’s my hunch
I have no uses
Lost the use of both legs
Hair full of dead skin
Room full of my stench
Give me a reason to stay here
I’m still on the fence
I hardly feel anymore
Guess these meds take their toll

I couldn’t help myself
My hand in the jar
Searching for that gold
Through a heart full of tar
It’s Always harder at the start
Till you push your last chance
And death holds your armI couldn’t help myself
My hand in the jar
Searching for that gold
Through a heart full of tar
It’s Always harder at the start
Till you push your last chance
And death holds your arm